After taking him home with me last week, I didn’t go back to the bar.
Every day after work, I’d go home and actually pace the floor. I had an itemized list in my head of reasons why I had to stay my ass home and not go to the bar. I knew he’d be there. I knew that I’d end up taking him home with me again.
I knew that it was crazy and stupid but I was starving for him. Feenin. A fuckin hellacious, constant, nagging ache.
So how’d he end up here now? I’d let him in and then stood in front of him, blocking him from entering any further into my apartment. We were just about chest to chest.
I looked down into his eyes, a pale, slate blue today, matching the color of the scrubs he had on. He had come here directly from work apparently. I had only beaten him by about five minutes. Like me, he must have showered before he left. His hair was damp and he smelled of soap and shampoo.
He drew me to him without touching me at all. His presence in my apartment filled me with a thousand emotions and I couldn’t identify any of them. His face, his eyes, his sweet essence coaxed me closer.
I wanted to climb inside of him. I nuzzled my face against his, rubbing across his bristly chin. I could smell him, feel his warm breath fanning across my face. I closed my eyes.
No kissing, I thought to myself as I pressed my lips to his very, very lightly. Maybe just a taste to satisfy the curiosity burning within me every time I saw his soft mouth. His lips pressed back against me, hungry and avid.
I lifted my mouth from his and sank my nose into his neck, sniffing and rubbing against him. No kissing I reminded myself. What was it about kissing?
He’d sucked my cock the last time he was here. And God knows I wanted to devour him. Why was kissing so much more intimate and scary than having his penis in my mouth?
And he did scare me.
He had come into the break room today. I rarely took breaks. I kept a couple of protein shakes in the refrigerator and would guzzle them down whenever I got a chance and then I’d race back to the floor. We were always short staffed. Maybe he thought the break room would be neutral territory, because I’d never seen him take a break either. Or maybe he realized I was avoiding him.
He’d looked around the room when he came in. When he’d assured himself that just the two of us were there, he’d walked over to the table, sat down across from me and looked directly into my eyes. His blue gray eyes were clear and certain; there was a hectic flush of color across his cheeks. He ran a hand through his short, auburn hair.
That look seared through me. My stomach clenched and I fought to catch my breath. As soon as he had entered the room my heart had started to beat its way out of my chest. Oh shit.
I want him. I want him. I want him.
He swallowed and cleared his throat. “I need to see you,” he said, voice trembling a little.
It was strange to see him like this. In the years that I come to know him, he was my favorite doctor to have around when a patient crashed. His mouth was as quick as his brain and he would rattle off orders like an auctioneer. Clear, fast, and precise. He knew his shit.
If something happened to me, I’d want him on my side. He fought for his patients. Fought for life with them.
“Ok. Now you see me,” I said.
“You know what I mean, David,” he said.
I’d heard him call me by name I don’t know how many times, but hearing him say it now, like this, sent butterflies chasing around in my stomach. My break was almost over but if I got up now, he’d see that I was hard and he’d know it was because of him.
And if I got up now, it would be running away. And I didn’t want to do that. Kevin and I had worked side by side since he’d finished medical school. We had both started at the hospital around the same time. I’d been a new graduate nurse when I first met him and he’d still been in training.
He was one of the few that didn’t ask me why I wasn’t in medical school instead of working on the floor as a nurse. He was one of the few that didn’t change once they finished school. I know that one of the courses in medical school is Asshole 101.
Sometimes I think nurses are there to remind the doctors that there is a human being inside of the body they are working on. Yeah, sometimes I’m a little intense. I call it being a patient advocate. I’ve heard that some of the doctors call it being a pain in the ass. They never say it to me of course.
Kevin is one physician that I actually enjoy working with. When we work together on a patient, we have a kind of intuitive connection. More than once I’ve handed him something he wanted even before he asked for it.
So, I wasn’t just gonna get up and leave. I wasn’t gonna leave someone that I liked a lot hanging like that. Inside, I was freaking though. I’d worked at the hospital for years. I socialized with my coworkers but only on the most superficial of levels. I didn’t care if they knew I was gay; but I’m a really private person and I don’t like people in my business. Hospitals can be like a soap opera sometimes.
He was staring a hole inside of me.
“Stop looking at me like that,” I said.
“I always look at you like that,” he said softly. “I can’t help it.”
“This is not a good idea,” I told him once more.
“It’s already started, David,” he said.
And we can stop it now, I thought to myself, even though I knew better.
I stood up. His eyes dropped down to my cock and he licked his lips. I don’t think he was aware that he had done that. His eyes stayed glued to me as I adjusted myself and fixed my shirt so that whatever was happening down there wouldn’t be visible.
“My place. Tonight,” I said.
I brushed past him and out of the room.