Not sure why.
Iíve had serious doubts about my sanity many times over the years. This is just more evidence that sanity might not be an option for me. In my real life, Iím a nurse in the ER. That also could possibly be more evidence in the insane column. Maybe. Could go either way I guess.
He was there again. If he hadnít been there already, I might have suspected that he had followed me or something. Just call me paranoid.
Tonight, even though it was kinda cool, I had on my black leather vest. Just so that I could feel it against my skin and so I could smell it. I think in my last lifetime, I must have been an animal, because I am just barely civilized in this one.
The leather attracts eyes and so does the black and blue flag with the heart on it thatís sewn onto the left chest pocket. The bar is about fifty-fifty tonight. Half the people in the bar know what the flag means, half probably donít, or if they do, they ainít into it. I like it that way. Iím not into labels and being categorized into some little box I canít break out of. Just let me be me. Give me what I want when I want it and howÖyeahÖwhoever thought that one up is my kinda guy.
I have to look. I have to look into those eyes again. I havenít been able to get them out of my head all day. The look in them grabs at something inside of me and twists it.
Iím hard again. Itís not the kind of hard that I get when I think somebodyís hot. Or the kind of hard I get when I want to fuck somebody. Itís the kind of hard thatís gnawing away at me. Itís not just my dick thatís alive and standing at attention. Itís every fucking thing in me. I donít like it.
It feels good.
I donít want him though. I canít play with someone so fragile. Iíd break him. Iíd learned early in the game that I canít do it half ass. I donít want to do it like that. I wonít do it like that.
Iím making it sound like Iím a big guy. Iím not. Iím barely six feet tall and not thick like the guys I find so attractive. Iím all muscle though and Iím strong. Itís mostly genetic. I run a couple days a week just to burn off excess energy and I hit the gym just about every day for the same reason.
He gives me that look again. It draws me. I want to give him what he needs. The look is so intense, it is as if he is speaking to me. I am drowning in those sweet beautiful eyes. His lips move and I stare at them, riveted. Please, he mouths. He sits there, just looking at me, his hands were on the table in front of him. He folded them and sat there, like a little schoolboy sitting at a school desk listening attentively to a teacher. He sits there and waits like he will wait forever. For me.
I stand up. Once again his eyes drop down to my crotch almost as if he canít help it. He stares hungrily for a few moments. When his eyes raise to mine again his face is open and vulnerable. Not sure what Iím going to do. Just patiently waiting.
ďFollow me,Ē I said.